remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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