Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
