He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
