I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
as a side note pls kill me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize