Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize