Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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