With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
