stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
