i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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