I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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