she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
