We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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