maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
