whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
