I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think people are normalizing furries
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
