walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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