I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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