I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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