I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
