Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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