I wish my penis had an off switch
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize