Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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