I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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