I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
