How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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