he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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