Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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