here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize