Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
