did you get engaged???
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
