Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
