Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
