Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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