I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
