My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
