so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
