I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
