I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
why is half of my head shaved?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize