The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
