so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
