hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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