NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
