On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
