I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
