don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
