she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Boobs speak an international language.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
