I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
