My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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