That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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