you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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