i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
