did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
