All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
