It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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