WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
