you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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