At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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