saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
