just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize