there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
