Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
