I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
