did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
