Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
