Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize