Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
