She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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