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I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize