There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
