Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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