Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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